The phone rings at FBI headquarters and the agent says, “Hello?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood,” the caller says.
“Thank you very much for the call, sir,” the agent responds.
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
Then the phone rings at the neighbor’s house.
The caller asks, “Hey, Stanley, did the FBI come?”
“Yes,” Stanley responds.
The caller then asks, “Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yes,” Stanley responds again.
“Great, now it’s your turn to call,” the caller says, “I need my garden plowed.”
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
The man started again, “But, officer, I just wanted to say …”
The officer responded, “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
